The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
