I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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