you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
