tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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