So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
