So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
