this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
