omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
