I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
