This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
