i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
