Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize