I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
