He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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