WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
