i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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