he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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