I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
