We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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