how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
