Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Drunk is not a location!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
