hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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