I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
