I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize