This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
