No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
