And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
