You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
