I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
