What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize