smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
