Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
