***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
