i dont even know how to be here
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
