I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
