Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I want is dick and wine.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
