I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize