May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
