The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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