i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
