Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize