So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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