Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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