remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
