I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
