Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
