and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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