He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
