My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
