There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
