My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
