So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
