yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
