Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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