Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
