i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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