): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
