How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize