pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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