just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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