i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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