He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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