Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
