We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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