if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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