Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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