My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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