Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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