I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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