small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
