well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
