the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
