Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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