Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
