In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize