The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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