In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
love makes seman taste better
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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